so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
