atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
