She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
