I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
