I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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