I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
