3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize