You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You need Xanax blowdarts
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
