I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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