dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
