you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
