my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
