i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
