nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
