What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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