just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
only you would photoshop your dick
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
