i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize