Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
