apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
