so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
two words...techno handjob
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
