I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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