your parents love me but you hate me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize