I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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