i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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