I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
