They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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