so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
