had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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