Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
