The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
