Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize