its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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