im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
