I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
