Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
