she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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