Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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