if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Randomize
