his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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