ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
