She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
