regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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