You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
