my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
