Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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