rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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