"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
