I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
