did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
