Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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