You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
