rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
