Me. At least after what I've been through.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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