i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
