take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
