my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Little spoons don't ask big questions
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
