I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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