A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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