So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
