she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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