Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
