I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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