Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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