Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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