at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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