i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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