i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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