My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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