I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
