Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I won the penis lottery.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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