And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
