You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
