Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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