had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
