We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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