I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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