The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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