omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
