I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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